New Moon Review

As a movie viewer (and now reviewer), I try to watch a little bit of everything.  Good movies, bad movies, and all the movies imbetween.  Which leads me to the movie I've recently seen -- Twilight Saga: New Moon.  Instead of just saying "Fuck this movie and the sparkling vampires in it!", lets take a look at the movie because I just know you're dying to get the details.

This is the second installment of what will become a four movie saga.  Here we find Bella Swan(Kristen Stewart), your typical teenage girl except for the fact she can't show any emotion clearly throughout the whole film.  She is head over heels in love with Edward Cullen(Robert Pattinson), a vampire that sparkles in the daylight.  We also get to meet No Shirt Boy - I mean Jacob Black(Taylor Lautner) the local jean short model and werewolf.  The movie centers around these three going through some sort of love triangle that truly shows just how pan shallow a movie about relationships can be.  Bella acts like a complete idiot after Edward breaks up with her.  She becomes a total recluse and at night has night terrors that are so over the top and dramatic that even a seasoned soap opera star would call her, well, over the top.

Bella then starts falling for Jacob, who at this point has decided that the rest of the movie is better off with him being topless.  She and him do such fun things as riding and crashing dirt bikes, being chased through the woods by vampires, and her constantly telling him things like, "I really like you, but I still can't get over Edward cause he's SSSSSOOOOO HOT."  So basically the second act is watching teen wolf get friendzoned.

The final act has Bella racing to Edwards rescue because (thanks to Jacob really) Ed now thinks Bella is dead and can't go on living without her.  After a slow-mo save/tackle by Bella, Edward is told to meet with the high council of vampires due to Bella knowing about the vampire culture.  Edward is put to death for letting out the secret of vampire society, only to have Bella save him by telling the high council that she'll become a vampire herself to protect the vampire society.

To be honest, this movie was better than Twilight in my opinion.  That still doesn't save the movie from the fire.  To put it short, the characters are bland and emotionless all through the film.  We get to see a whole cast of characters show just how little you can put into a scene and get away with it.  If I wanted to watch soap opera acting on the big screen, I'd get a big screen and watch Days of Our Lives.  Add that with Bella being such a good example of what a "Mary Sue" is, and you've got the movie.  I can see why girls like it though.  With how blank and empty Bella seems, you can pretty much put yourself in the role and probably make it work out better than where the story's going.

Final verdict for the movie is a low RENT IT.  I almost wanted to say FUCK IT, but the only things that made me change was that I can see where women like this series.  Other than that, don't hold your hopes up high for this one.


Till Next Time,
Mike