Alright everybody, this weekend I went to go see what I thought would be kind of a cool action movie, Ninja Assassin. Instead what I got was a waste of my time. To be fair I will tell you a little bit about the story, or lack there of. The story centers around a ninja named Raizo who was orphaned at a young age and trained by a clan of ninjas that focus on political assassinations. However he realizes the shortcomings of the clan and decides to leave them to focus on stopping them with the help of a german secret agent named Mika.
And before you say "well Razz that isn't much of a plot", I am really not leaving too much out without completely spoiling the entire movie for you. I didn't even understand the plot while I was sitting in the theater. In fact I didn't fully realize the whole plot until I watched the whole thing and was leaving the theater.
I saw the movie with a friend of mine and he had 5 things he believed would make the movie better:
5. Ninjas need to learn to shut the hell up. Ninja’s don’t have cool catch phrases, Ninja’s don’t say things in whisper like “traitor” or “ch ch ch ah ah ah”. They show up, they kill you, they raid your fridge, then they leave.
4. The Ask a Ninja guy. Seriously why the hell was this guy not in this movie? www.askaninja.com
3. Someone in this cast I actually had seen in a movie before other than a Godzilla movie
2. Chev Chellios from Crank. Seriously it had foul language, it had Japanese guys, it had gangs, it had guns…why the hell wasn’t he in this movie? Oh wait I know why…its because there were no…
1. Boobs. Boobs can make any movie better…unless they are crooked or are on something other than a woman.
So as you can see it comes out to be mainly just a disappointment. I will give this a rating of FUCK IT. But I am going to give this movie one saving grace, its got gore. If you are a fanatic of gore and blood it would almost be a shame for you to look the other way on this one. So if you really, really, REALLY like blood and guts in your movies I would say RENT IT but otherwise don't even bother.
See ya
Razz
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